Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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