I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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