I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Where is the hickey?
I think I died a long time ago.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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