a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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