dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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