"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
