Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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