Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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