just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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