i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
