I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She even gives head with a lisp.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
