Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
