theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
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I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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