I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
