girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
