oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Randomize
