I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
