I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
