I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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