just tell him i said nine months
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
