What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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