I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
