my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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