Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Even the bartender felt bad for me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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