I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
