Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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