If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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