So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
