Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
