Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
