Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
