Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
