She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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