arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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