You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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