Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
