what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
40s are totally the cure
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
