If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
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every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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