Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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