i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
