did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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