Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
