I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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