Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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