On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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