the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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