I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
