how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just found puke in my bra..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
