Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Bang-toberfest begins!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
