you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dignity is for republicans.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
