watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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