How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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