she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
