I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
