we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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