For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
