I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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