halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
