my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
