This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
