He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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