well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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