I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
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Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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