Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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