Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
