I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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