I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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