My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
