i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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