what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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