Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
