I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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